


Fate Is Bullshit

by Sachiiiiiiiiii



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternative Universe - Fantasy, Angst, EAH au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Ever After High AU, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Teenage Drama, because I have no self control, dave youre being an asshole, davekat - Freeform, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-05 08:22:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sachiiiiiiiiii/pseuds/Sachiiiiiiiiii
Summary: Your name is Dave White and hell, this is gonna be The Year. It’s your last year in Ever After High and also you’ll finally sign the Storybook Of Legends so you can fulfill your destiny and leave all this cluster of fuckall behind. But there's a little problem...[Ever After High Davkat au were Dave deserves a happy ending but it isn't worth what Karkat needs to go through]





	1. Happily Never After

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!!!! This is my first fic so please have mercy on me. 
> 
> I want to thank the beautiful Rose for helping me with this idea and doing all the editing (Find her [here](http://my-my986.tumblr.com/) or [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulWitch/pseuds/hopefulWitch) ) and the fantastic Kishi for helping me because Daving is hard ( [here](http://nomisupernova.tumblr.com/)  
> or [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomisupernova/pseuds/nomisupernova) ).  
> Oh yeah, and the whole Karkat Thirst Server in general because they're all sweethearts and the real reason why I'm doing this.

Your name is Karkat Queen, and holy hell do you fucking hate school. 

You are doing literally  _ nothing, yet _ people look at you as if you murdered their dog and used its skin as a scarf. Given, you  _ are _ the son of The Evil Queen, but come  _ on _ . 

Even now, when you are just walking into the school, you can see the fuckers hiding behind a fucking bush. If they really don’t want to encounter you, they can at least be creative. Oh god, it’s not even eight and a half in the morning and you are red from anger. 

“Yo brother, looking motherfucking good for the first day, huh?” And just like that, Gamzee does it again and makes you snap out of your anger state. 

Gamzee Hatter, the descendant of the Mad Hatter, sure takes the ‘mad’ part seriously. The big dumbass is just wearing one of his weird suits, which is just a bunch of different fabrics sewn together, and of course, he has a very mad hat on his head (you call it mad because you're sure it’s not physically possible for that hat to bend like  _ that _ ). You've always wondered how it is that he makes it look so good. 

You take a second to process what he told you and you look at yourself. You’re wearing a red velvet vest with a visual illusion pattern on it, atop a purple and silver dress shirt. Your pants matched the suit, a slick purple. Oh, and you got a completely unnecessary black cape just because. One of your favorite outfits (thanks Kanaya), it’s the one who goes best with your crown. Ugh, your crown, you  _ always  _ have to wear your crown, which you hate, to say the least. 

It may look good, but it’s heavy and it makes your neck hurt. It’s just a silver piece of shit with a lot of purple jewelry that looks like fancy dead branches. You don’t like it, but you have to deal with it. For the rest of your life. Yay. 

Going back to the real world, you just shrug to your best friend. “Yeah, it’s nice I guess, I’ll have to thank Kanaya for it later. Now let’s go or we’ll be late for class, you big useless clown.” Now that’s a lie, you are nowhere near late, it’s just that the guys behind the bushes are making you uncomfortable. 

“Whatever you say, my brother.” 

You two keep walking through the hallways, talking about your summer when you hear a maybe-too-familiar voice calling your name. You, being the smooth master that you are, panic.

**~~~~~~~**

Your name is Dave White and hell, this is gonna be The Year. It’s your last year in Ever After High and also you’ll finally sign the Storybook Of Legends so you can fulfill your destiny and leave all this cluster of fuckall behind. For this special occasion, you’re wearing probably your favorite outfit: your iconic white and red record shirt under a red suit jacket with an apple pattern on it, some comfy skinny jeans and a pair of red sneakers. Oh, and of course you got your gold fancy crown and your good old shades. 

Damn you love this place, classes are fun and easy, you love spending time with your friends. Hell, having your siblings in your school is a fucking blessing (even though you'd rather die than admit it out loud). Even after this, your fated life is gonna be even better, a whole nother level of neat. It’s gonna be fan-fucking-tastic. You’re gonna be the mother-fuckin' king and you’re gonna rule and you are gonna  _ rule _ at the ruling. The best part is that you know that you deserve it. 

Although it can’t all be perfect, can it? Of course, it can’t. There's a little problem in your almost-perfect-life is the little shit named Karkat who only knows how to shout and complain. Normally, you wouldn’t give a shit about him, but unfortunately for you, he’s a key aspect of your story. You **_need_** him, but he doesn’t need you. 

He’s supposed to poison you so you fall asleep and then a foreign princess from a faraway kingdom will wake you up with a kiss. You two will marry and you’ll become king! Or that’s how it’s supposed to go. 

But none of that will happen if he doesn’t try to kill you, because the truth about Karkat is that he may be a little shit, but he’s  _ good _ . He’s so fucking good he makes you feel bad for being the good guy, yet you don’t do as much good as the bad guy. He doesn’t want to hurt you, he doesn’t want to hurt  _ anyone _ . If he isn’t bad then you won’t have your happy ending. That’s why from the moment you two exchanged glances you’ve been doing your  _ goddam best _ in making him hate you, so he maybe, just  _ maybe, _ will want to poison you. 

It’s sad to say that your plan didn’t work very well. Actually, it ended so bad that by the end of last year people thought you two were best friends. The guy’s just  _ too fucking good. _

This new year  _ something _ needs to change, convincing Karkat to sign the book is a must. You  _ have _ to, if you don’t, all stories may corrupt and… Well, you’ll die, everyone will die. You definitely can’t let that happen. 

“Dave? Dude, don’t tell me you didn’t hear anything I just said.” Dirk says as he takes out one of your earbuds so you’ll listen.

“It’s not my fault, giving a full-on pep talk the first day of school, at the first hour, on a Monday? Chill out, bro, I’m only human.” You put your hand in your chest and turn to look at your siblings so they can see you in all your rambling glory. They know what’s coming so instead of saying something they just wait for it to happen, “I’m feeling like Christina Perri right now, with people expecting so much from me. At least I ain't like her, I ain't got no jar of hearts or some gorey ass shit like that. What the fuck was even up with that? How the fuck a song like that got on the motherfuckin' radio live for little teens and babies to hear is hella fuckin' weird. Baby's first words gonna be 'gore jar' and the kids' parents are gonna have to call an exorcist or some shit like that. Anyway, you? My brother, my kin, my own flesh and blood? I call treason, man. The fuckin' highest order of apolitical bullshit has been hella violated. Like that shit was a passenger on a plane, 'bout to get strip searched for wearing a vaguely threatening shirt, that's how violated it is. This is so fucking sad that the magic mirror is already playing despacito. Is this how Jesus felt after Judas' lips dared to graze his oh-so-holy plump lips? No fucking wonder it ended up the way it did-"

“As much as I’d love to hear the end of this, if it has one, we are already here.” Rose cuts in and you turn to look outside the car's window and, yeah, she’s right. You take your stuff and you don’t get out of the car without checking yourself first in the mirror. Flawless as always. 

You and your siblings start your signature Cool Walk™ to your classrooms as you always do. So smooth and charming, cool as fuck, you rule these hallways as the popular kids, yes you do. You’re just having a nice little chat with Rose about your classes until you spot him. 

You freeze with the literal walking reminder of how your tale may not happen. You say something to Rose that not even you caught, and run after that little guy with a black cape.

“Karkat!” You call out loud enough for him to hear you. He does hear you, you know this because of just how tense he gets. He knows where this is going. “Karkat! I need to talk to you!” You try again, and this time the little fucker  _ runs.  _

“Karkat! God fucking dammit, get back here! Oh, hey Gamzee.” You pass Karkat’s big stoned friend, you think he answered back, but you don’t care. You have got to talk to Karkat  _ now.  _

**~~~~~~~**

_ Oh shit oh shit oh shit! _

You think you have never, in your whole fucking life, ran faster. You’re running like the devil himself is chasing after you with a fucking pitchfork. You gotta do something, he’s way faster than you and has double the energy, but you just keep running like the uncreative fuck that you are. 

_ Fuck, he’s getting closer goddammit I need to do  _ something. 

Instead of doing something or facing him like, you know, like a normal fucking person would do, you keep running. And oh look, just your fucking luck, it’s a dead end! You’re the one the gods hate, it is you. 

You can hear his fast steps behind and all you can do is close your eyes to brace yourself for what’s going to happen. In the meantime, you think about how much you  _ don’t  _ want to be here. You really don’t want to deal with this. You don’t want to hear him tell you that you need to try to kill him. You don’t want him to tell you how you're not how you’re apparently supposed to be.  _ You do not want to be here.  _

**_Poof._ **

A weird sound echoes through your head, and for a second you feel light. With mistrust you open one eye, expecting to see Dave standing in front of you, but instead you are greeted by your dorm room and what looks like purple and silver mist. It takes you a couple of seconds, but then it hits you. 

_ You used magic. Spontaneous magic.  _

That’s… curious, to say the least. You’re good at magic, that’s not new. The thing is, you’re good at doing what they instruct you to do, good at reciting what the textbook says, but… just doing magic? Out of nowhere? No spell nor preparation? Just because you thought about it? That’s… unheard of. You can do anything? Just for wanting it so bad? 

You lay down on your bed fully conscious that this is also Dave’s room, and he can come in anytime, but you need to process what just happened, also, you’re tired and sweating like a fucking pig because you just ran a fucking marathon before classes. You sure are a genius.

~~~~~~

Aha! You finally got him! The dumbass ran into a dead end. You just gotta take this turn and…he’s… not here. There’s an after spell smoke though. The asshole fucking teleported just so he wouldn't have to talk to you. You curse under your breath between pants of exhaustion. God  _ damn _ , did that poor excuse of a villain exhaust the hell out of you. 

You’re about to search for him when the first bell rings. You click your tongue in annoyance. You might need to talk to Karkat but you’ll be damned if you let yourself be late to a class for the first time because of him. In the absolute worst case scenario, you’ll eventually see him in the dorm room, he can’t keep running from you forever. 

You go to your first class,  _ Magical Creatures _ . Not your favorite, but you can deal with it, Mr. Frog is super chill anyway. 

The day passes so agonizingly slowly that you damn near fall asleep in two classes, and you haven’t even made it to lunch. Karkat isn’t with you in the majority of classes, since well, he’s a villain. That also makes him a rebel and everybody knows that rebels and royals don’t get along too well, so the school tries to keep them apart as much as possible. 

And then there’s lunch. In lunch, everybody is just shoved into the castleteria for a good half an hour. Even though, it still is very clear the division of rebels and royals, an endless battle. Getting back to the topic, Karkat will  _ have to _ be there! There, he won’t be able to escape, unless he uses Kanaya as a shield, then you’ll be fucked, because that girl is fucking  _ terrifying.  _

“Mr. White, can you please answer the question?” Mr. Rumpelstiltskin asks you and you come back to reality. You’re in Potions class, right. Focus, Dave, focus, you can worry about meeting Karkat in one hour twenty-four minutes and forty-six seconds later. For now though, you answer the question written in the board, correctly, nonetheless. 

“What’s on your mind, cool kid?” Terezi asks as you take your seat once more. Terezi Hearts, the daughter of the Queen of Hearts and a girl with some kind of execution fetish. She’s your partner and a pretty cool friend, even though she’s a terrible partner because she always wants to lick everything. You watch her for a second. She’s sporting a cards themed dress, black, red and some occasional teal, she also has a card themed crown and a pair of heels that-- yes, you guessed it-- are card themed. It would look weird if she didn’t slay it. 

“Not much TZ, just thinking about Legacy Day. It’s just in a couple of months, y’know?” You respond with a sight and start mixing the stuff that you the textbook says while you continue the conversation with Terezi.  _ A pinch of dragon breath, two tablespoons of fairy dust, one swan feather… _

“The good ol’ Karkles is at it again? Let me guess, he doesn’t want to poison you,” she guesses spot on while she’s licking the unicorn hair. Ew.  _ Four mantis eyes… _

“Yeah, it goes along those lines. I tried to reach him in the morning but he got away. He’s such a goddamn tightass, he’s tighter than an old virgin man’s butthole.” You can feel your face grimace at the memory. You’ve been thinking about it all morning and honestly the more you think about it the angrier you get.  _ Three dragon scales… _ “Pass me the orc tears, would ya?” 

“Yeah, that sounds like him. The poor guy is just all bark and no bite. He wouldn’t willingly hurt a fly, much less a friend.” She says while she searches for what you asked. “Found it!” She took a bottle labeled “gremlin blood” and proceeds to pour it all in the mix, that’s when you remember; Terezi’s blind. 

“Terezi no!” You try to stop her but it’s already too late, “it’s gonna explo--” before you can finish your sentence, a big red explosion covered the whole classroom. 

You come to another conclusion while you hear the screams of the whole class. This wasn’t an accident, Terezi’s not stupid, she knew this would happen, and she still did it, because  _ she fucking loves red.  _

“Goddammit, TZ.”

~~~~~~

You’re fucked. Like, so fucked.

You made another spell, this time intentional, to get to class in time. You have History, and you really give two shits about history so instead of listening to the lecture, you just tell Kanaya about your morning. 

“That… doesn’t sound good.” She comments at the end of the story, with no confidence at all. 

“Not good? This is  _ hell, _ Kanaya, an actual real life fucking hell.” You put your head in your hands to contribute to your dramatics. You peek through your fingers to see her. “I really don’t want to do this. Like, at all.” You pathetically whimper, you feel so fucking  _ stupid, _ but it’s the truth. If there is something in this fucking shit of a universe that you don’t want to do, it’s this. 

“There, there. No need to be so dramatic about it, maybe if you speak your worries to Dave, he will understand.” She rationalized. 

You look at her critically. Kanaya Huntsman. Probably the most beautiful girl in the whole school. Right now, she’s wearing a jade plaid shirt with the top buttons unbuttoned and the shirt is tucked under her brown, high waisted, long skirt, hiding her jade high heels that make her even taller. She may not have a crown, but she does have a couple of flowers and… it’s that a butterfly pin? That’s new, Kanaya only uses clothes she makes and this does not look like her style  _ at all.  _

In the end, curiosity gets the best of you, plus, it’s a great topic change. “Hey, is that a hairpin? You don’t usually wear that stuff. Less if you don’t make it yourself.” Just as if you hit the jackpot, she glows a new shade of red, and is clearly coming up with an excuse. 

“Oh yes, that, that is er…” she coughs as if trying to get more time “…that is something I found in the nest of an old crow, you know how much of a thief they can be. So I… took it and cleaned it, I thought it looked rather lovely, don’t you think?” And that’s a topic changer if you ever heard one. 

“You  _ do _ know I’m not a fucking idiot and that I can tell when you’re lying, right?” You respond back smugly, “but yeah, it looks good on you. The person who gave it to you knows what you like, my respects.” You turned around to the teacher, and you don’t need to see Kanaya to know how red and embarrassed she is right now. It doesn’t help that you can practically hear her choking on her own words. Not transparent at all, Kanaya. Totally smooth as ice.

The class is over just twenty minutes later, and you have lunch. You can’t think of a time where you were sad about a class finishing, but damn, you really don’t want to go to lunch. 

~~~~~~~ 

As it seems, one hour twenty-one minutes and twenty-two seconds go by flying when you are stuck trying to get weird red magical stuff out of your hair and dealing with an euphoric, red loving girl. Once you notice, you’re already on your way to the castleteria, determined to have an important conversation with a certain someone. 

“Brother dearest, I know this whole Karkat topic is important to you, but I would appreciate if you didn't ignore me like this. At least don’t fake that you’re paying attention to me when you clearly are not.” You sigh at your sister’s too-smart-for-you way of speaking. 

Rose Ella, the descendant of Cinderella, probably the most intelligent student at E.A.H. and the only royal who can slay black lipstick. She’s sporting her trademark style, a graceful white and blue dress with purple frills and a couple of flower patterns that synchronized oh so well, and her perfect outfit finish with crystal clear heels that went up to her knees. She also has a crown but she wears it more as headband, purple and gold, just making her eyes look stronger, wilder. If she wasn't your sister, you’re not even sure you’d be able to get close to her. She sure is intimidating.

Although there's something different today… “Hey, is that collar new?” It was a discreet little collar, a silver chain with a little jade stone surrounded by little silver flowers and branches. It’s so small yet very detailed, you wouldn't have noticed if you weren’t watching closely, but now that you've seen it, it stands out a lot. “You rarely break your color palette.”

For the first time in your life, your sister looks away in a conversation and…  _ is that blush? _ “It’s… a little something I found somewhere in the market stalls, I thought it was cute, do you not like it?”

You were just about to respond to your sister and call her out on her bullshit, but in that same instant, you spot Karkat sitting at his usual table,  _ alone.  _ You look around for your biggest threats, Kanaya is stuck in the line for food and Gamzee is talking to that kid made out of wood in a wheelchair. The coast is clear.

“Yeah, it’s cute. Gotta go.” You say anything to end that conversation, and you head towards your prey. You’re looking at his back, and he hasn’t moved so he doesn’t know you’re here. You get close with caution, just how you would get close to a wild animal. 

~~~~~~

You know he’s behind you, but you don’t move. You’re still tired from this morning, and you know you can’t postpone this any further. Well, you can, but it’s not gonna do any good anyway. 

You naturally flinch when he puts his hands in your shoulders and in a very weird, high pitched voice says your name. 

“What do you want, White?” You bite back immediately. You look at him from the corner of your eye, he’s leaning over your shoulder. By the way his grip on your shoulders is tightening, you can assume he doesn’t want you to run again. You’d be mad if it wasn’t fair. 

“We need to talk, Bad Boy.” You can’t see his face, but you can feel him winking. He’s trying to make jokes to make you relax, that’s nice of him, but it’s useless since it’s just making it worse.

Oh god, you  _ really  _ don’t want to be  _ here _ . 


	2. Castelteria Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I wanna thank Rose (Find her [here](http://my-my986.tumblr.com/) or [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulWitch/pseuds/hopefulWitch) ) and Kishi ( [here](http://nomisupernova.tumblr.com/)  
> or [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomisupernova/pseuds/nomisupernova) ).  
> for helping me with all of this!!! I love you!!!

This is exactly  _ why _ you  _ didn’t _ want to have this conversation. Right now, you’re standing in the middle of the empty hallway, facing Dave, in complete silence. Neither of you said anything to each other after you left the castleteria. As of now, you’re not even sure if either of you has blinked in the last few moments. 

He may have his shades on, shielding his eyes from your immediate view, but you can feel the contact. His blood red eyes against your candy red eyes. Normally, people would say that they’re exactly the same, but you two had agreed last year that your eyes are completely different, being red the only thing that they shared. To begin with, his eyes are a cause of albinism, while yours are another type of mutation completely; you literally have magic in your blood, and oh did that give you hell when you were little. Well, that’s not the point (but it sure was a welcome distraction).

“So,” he starts, and then suddenly stops to take air and let it go, you place your hand on your hip to try and fake annoyance, but in reality, you want him to take all the time in the world. “About The Legacy Day…” he trails off again, he just doesn’t know how to phrase it. No need, really, you already know what he’s going to say. 

You sigh and change positions. You cross your arms and raise your eyebrow to him. “What about it?” You sound very confident for a guy who’s having probably a fucking panic attack.

“You need to sign it.” No beating around the bush, huh. It’s not a question either, you have no escape for this. You let your façade fall, letting your arms fall to your sides and a frown forming on your face. 

You let another sigh out, but this one instead of annoyed is tired. “I know.” You do feel tired, exhausted, really. Signing the book… comes with a lot of stuff. You will lose all of your friends, you’ll be exiled from the place you were raised, and… you will  _ maybe _ kill one of your friends. You are going to be the bad guy, and you’re not sure how you feel about it. “Believe me, I  _ know _ I have to sign it, but… I’m not sure if I want to. This is all just fucked up.”

“Yeah,” he helpfully adds, and you can see him mentally making one of his stupid metaphors, “this is as fucked up as a shitty porn film where there’s the typical white girl with more boobs than brain and then other guys that are gonna fucking trash her, this is as fucked up as that woman. In all the senses, they are fucking her up and that,  _ that _ happening is fucked up, but she was no other options because she had to pay the bills and support her little baby. Capitalism ain’t doin’ her no favors. Poor Susan, getting pregnant as a teenager then having to take care of little Jeff all on her own because Daddy is useless and he left her. That’s how fucked up this is, but just like Susan and Jeff, we have no other options, Karkat. We have to make a living.” 

You stare directly at him for a second contemplating probably one of the weirdest metaphors he has ever used, and that sure is saying something.

“Did you just implied that I am a white girl who got pregnant as a teenager and then I had to become a porn star to raise you, my baby, because we have no money? Geez Dave, thank you so much. You actually surpassed yourself this time, that one is one of the stupidest, explicit things you have ever said.” You smile as you say this, it may be a weird way to lighten up the mood, but it still is funny as all fuck. 

For a moment you remember why you and Dave were best friends last year, you remember how much you love this dumbass and his borderline pornographic metaphors. Losing these stupid moments are one of the reasons why you don’t want to sign that damned book. 

When he’s just about to open his mouth to defend himself or to keep on with the joke, you interrupt him. “You know I’m always down for a VIP seat for watching a classic session of Dave White Rambling™ where you just dig your grave deeper and deeper, but we already lost most of our lunchtime on this stupid conversation. I’m starving and I swear to Gog if I don't eat because of you comparing yourself to a baby with no dad and a prostitute mother, I will eat your heart and sell the rest of you to MacDonathan's so a lot of other people will eat you. Before they realize they were eating a human being, I would have long left this place and will be living happily in another dimension where the government can’t find me.”

He makes an offended face as he starts heading to the castleteria, you follow him. “You say that like you don’t love my voice like the great sweet melody that it is, you are kidding no one Kitkat. Everybody knows that the only reason you wake up every day is to hear my glorious, heaven-sent voice, created to amaze the world with my perfect raps and my fan-fuckin’-tastic metaphors. Also, it sounds like you got my assassination planned pretty well Karkat, we sleep in the same room, should I be concerned?”

You snort. “No, it’s not like I keep a diary under my bed where I write different ways to commit the perfect murder everytime I’m mad as a way to cool off. I don’t do that because I’m a good model citizen that wouldn’t hurt a fly. In a hypothetical situation that I did own said diary, you wouldn’t have to worry too much anyway since it’s dedicated to people I hate in general, not just you, you narcissistic self-centered asshole.” 

“Vriska?”

“Vriska.”

You two keep the conversation going as you walk back to the castleteria, apparently having forgotten the tension that you had in the morning. 

You wave goodbye when you get to the castleteria and you have to go different ways to your respective tables. You sit down while trying to ignore the curious looks from your friend group (and Kanaya’s smug look, you put  _ special _ effort in ignoring that one). You also fail, despite your best efforts.

“What?” You bark at your friends, already pissed off. You are greeted by Jake and Jade’s excited but curious looks. An avalanche of questions is coming, you can already see it with this pair. Jake and Jade Hood, the famous Hood Cousins, the descendant of Robin Hood and Red Riding Hood respectively. These two could, with no problem, be royals, seeing how well they go along. But with Jake’s natural need for more and Jade’s…  _ special circumstances, _ you can see why they’re both rebels at heart. 

Jade, being always faster than her cousin, asks the first question. She leans over the table to look at you right in the eyes with a big overly friendly smile. “Sooooooo… what happened now in our favorite live drama of Karkat Queen and Dave White? Did you finally confess?” She ends the sentence with an eyebrow wiggle.

You sigh and look up to her (admittedly) beautiful light green eyes with a peculiar amber in the center. You notice that she stood up so fast that her hood fall a little bit, letting her ears at sight. You make a small hand gesture for her to notice before you start speaking. She fixes her hood and gives you a thankful smile. You go back to being mad. “Okay, first of all, there is no fucking Queen-White drama in this place or this situation,” you lie right through your teeth. “Second of all, shut up and let me eat, that conversation drained all of my energy and I need some carbs to keep on going.” You angrily stab the lunch that Kanaya bought you while you were having that conversation with Dave, god bless her. 

“Aha! So there  _ was  _ something!” Jake breaks in, “Come on Karkat, don’t leave us hanging, you know it’s useless, we’ll know eventually!” 

You leave your poor food alone for a moment to glare angrily in his direction, which did not unsettle him one fucking bit. it might be because he’s so fucking oblivious or because he knows you’re incapable of doing any harm. You will put your bets that it’s a bit of both. 

You visibly and dramatically roll your eyes, “No Jake, nothing happened, we just stood in front of the other in silence for twenty minutes straight like the big narcissists that we both are, just stupidly contemplating one another in the most awkward yet self-fulfilled silence you would ever have the absolute displeasure of hearing. Of course, there was something, you big pile of green radioactive bullshit! But as it looks like you don’t have the basic ability to read between lines, let me spell it out for you two so you’ll finally shut the fuck up for once in your goddamn useless lives!  _ It is not your fucking business! _ ” You’re practically shouting at the end, you can feel some stares from the new students, but the rest just know the drill by now and ignore you. 

“Rude,” Jade says as she takes a big bite from her steak, letting the topic drop, and with it, a new conversation rises. A simple chat, just normal students stuff. Gossips, homework, classes, magic, same old conversations. At some point of said talk, you’re interrupted by a scream that sounds like an invitation to a party, Gog, these people do  _ not  _ like doing things the conventional way. You resume your chat with no problem, keeping on until the bell rings and then, all of you head out to your respective classes.

**~~~~~~~**

That… was surprisingly easy. Not that you were expecting a full on fight about destiny or anything, but at least a classical Karkat Tantrum™ about how “it’s none of your fucking business White!” But… no. Actually, you didn’t even really talk about it that much. You sure have a gift for getting sidetracked. Fuck, this was such an important thing, yet you barely talked. It absolutely was because you were uncomfortable about talking about it and by no means was it because of how small and sad Karkat looked after you told him he had to sign the book. Nah, that’d be stupid and gay. 

As you sit down, you have to do your best to ignore your sister’s look. You know that look, and God, do you wish you didn’t. Since you came in side by side with Karkat and in a good mood, she must’ve already come up with some ridiculous theories. You’re also sure that between those theories there is her favorite one:  _ that you’re gay  _ and two; _ you have a crush on Queen _ . Someday, maybe in a long time, maybe not, she’ll finally accept that  **you’re fucking straight** _. _

“How did your important quest with our lovely Karkat go, Dear Brother?” She has her chin in her hand, looking directly at you with those unnaturally shiny purple eyes. 

“Good, I think.” You take a bite of whatever your sister bought you, praying that is not any kind of poison. “I  _ think _ he’s gonna sign, but he looks like he’s doubting. I really hope he does though because if not it could be really fuckin’ bad.” You let out a big sigh, looks like Karkat’s sighs are contagious. 

“Give the dude a break, Man. The cards are not playing in his favor anyway, for him it’s a lose-lose situation and you know it.” Dirk, your great sibling, who always supports you and has your back, points out while playing with his fork in the air. Traitor.

“I mean, yeah, but-” You’re cut off by a very high pitched squeal from a small group of girls who are just a few meters from your table, looking directly at your brother with big, dreamy eyes. 

You can see the annoyance and almost disgust in Dirks perfect poker face. “They’re everywhere, I swear. I don’t even know what they’re searching for anyway.” He puts his head in his hands, “I already signed their books, kissed their hands, and took selfies with them.  _ What else do I have to do for them to leave me alone?”  _ Oh yeah, Dirk’s fangirls, you almost forgot about them during the break since you went to the vacation castle which is in the middle of Satan’s fucking asshole.  _ Almost _ being the operative word there.

Somehow they found the castle and broke in just so they could meet Dirk. Twice. 

Being The Prince Charming ain’t no easy job. 

“Suffering for the fame?” you say as you eat a fry. “Being loved by everyone must be  _ soooo _ hard. It’s truly tragic.” You smile smugly. You really don’t feel bad for being the youngest sibling even if it's just for a couple of days if it means you don’t have to deal with what Dirk has to deal with. 

Dirk Charming, the famous, intelligent and handsome oldest descendant of the throne, oh, and also the dreamed Prince of every girl that has ever heard of him. Nobody’s very sure about which tale is Dirk’s, there’s a lot of Prince Charmings when it comes to fairy tales, so since no one knows, all the princess out there have the hope that he is  _ their _ prince. This, of course, brings a lot of unwanted attention, more since Dirk has zero social skills and barely knows how to deal with it by the protocol. Poor guy. He knows you know that he hates this with all his heart, so he just gives you the “shut it” look. 

“Topic change” Roxy chimes in as cheerful as ever, “it’s the first day of school! The first day of our  _ last year at EAH _ . So, to celebrate, I’m planning on making a ‘Starting the Year’ party, who’s in?” She looks at you with expectation. 

Roxy Beauty, a girl that is destined to sleep for a 100 years, but that ain’t stopping her from being on the top of her class and planning the best fucking parties in the whole goddamn kingdom. Roxy’s parties are famous for how great they are, sometimes people from the neighboring towns come over just for her fantastically insane entertainment. Okay, that sounded bad, no it didn’t until you point it out. Goddammit, Dave, now you can’t unsee it. Okay, focus on another thing, like, oh yeah, the conversation. 

Rose sits straight to look at her lovely sister with a raised eyebrow, “Oh, really? What is going to be the theme this time, if it is possible to know? And how are you thinking of announcing it, MirrorBook or are you going to ask John to promote you?” Oh right, Roxy always has a “theme” for her parties, she says that “it’s part of the charm” and that it is “her style”. You don’t really care, you just know she almost always lets you DJ.

“About the theme…” she gets closer to you over the table and makes you a hand sign for all of you to do the same like if she was sharing a very important secret, you amuse her by doing what she wants, and you instantly regret it when she screams “it’s secret!” You and your siblings pull away and groan. “And about the announcement... “ She trails off as she stands up and takes a lot of air.

“Oh no.” you mutter.

“Not again…” Rose groans.

“Roxy, please don’t-” Dirk says but it’s too late, Roxy is already standing on the table and screaming the invitation to her party. You put your fingers in your ears because  _ fucking hell does that girl knows how to scream. _

“ **PARTY NEXT SUNDAY AT EIGHT PM AT THE ENCHANTED FOREST DON’T MISS IT!** ” The whole castleteria falls silent for a moment thanks to Roxy’s thunderous voice that resonates oh so well through the whole fucking building, there is no creature in the whole place that doesn’t now know about the party. Satisfied with her work, she sits back down, “so what's new?” She says nonchalantly, ignoring completely your painful groans of how she just fucking  _ murdered _ your eardrums. 

“Roxy… what did we tell you about  _ that  _ method?” Dirk groans, you can pretty much feel how fucking done he is just by his aura. You don’t blame him. 

“Stop complaining! It’s fast, easy and it works very well! I would go with John but he takes too loooong.” Roxy defends herself. 

“I do what?” A new voice joins the conversation and you look behind you to find John walking towards your table. He sits beside you and you make your Bro Salute™ with him. “ Were you guys talking about me?” He asks, skeptical. You take a moment to look at him, he looks tired, that’s not surprising, the first day is always the worse for him. John Lockes, or how you call him just to fuck with him, Johnny Lockes. He changed a little bit since you last saw him, his blonde roots are showing again and he looks taller than before, like he wasn’t tall enough already. Fucking titan. The worst part is that nobody, who doesn’t know him, would believe that he’s the host of MirrorCast news, probably the most watched show in the whole school. 

“Indeed we were. Roxy was commenting on how long you take to plan your episodes and that it does not suit her.” Rose responds helpfully. 

“Hey! It’s not my fault! You know the school doesn’t let me air an episode without the principal checking over it! You guys know how controlling Principal Caliborn can be, or well, Mr. Scratch, everybody knows that Caliborn does nothing. Anyway! It’s not my fault!” John defends himself maybe a little bit too loud. 

“I’m sorry to break it to you, Johnny, but it  _ is  _ your fault. You were the one who made that hidden camera special and we all had to see the principal Caliborn playing with his weird… little… green puppets.” Roxy moves her fingers and makes a disgusted expression to express her feelings, all of you shudder at the memory. It was… something… disturbing to see. 

Out of all of you, John looks the most disgusted “Ugh… Don’t remind me. Believe me, if it was bad for you, it was worse for me. Also, it only happened  _ ONE _ time!” John insists like he isn’t neck deep with no salvation. 

“Actually…” Dirk starts but is interrupted by John screaming. 

“Do. Not! Pranks don’t count!” He threatens with a plastic fork. It’s not like Dirk could deck him in a minute. Wait, maybe he couldn’t, you have seen John wrestle with a bear with his bare hands, but you have also seen Dirk defeat a dragon with a sword. Huh, that's an interesting question. You’ll raise a poll later to see what others think. 

“Yeah, right, the principal ain’t on your side on that, Johnny.” You point out, just to make John go into his usual speech of how pranks should be considered a type of art and then you’ll make fun of him, just like always.

You spend the rest of the lunch period talking with your siblings and John until you have to go back to your respective classes. Looks like this year  _ might  _ actually go your way for once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, we're still with character introductions, there's gonna be some of those for a while. Hope you guys liked it! I'm sorry this took so long, life sucks, and me, being the brilliant mind that I am, decided to start this fic in the worst time of the year! So yeah, updates are gonna be kinda irregular, but I just wanna let you know I'm not leaving this unless I say so!!

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah! Please remember that this is my first fic, so sorry if its a little shitty or ooc, I'm trying.


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